I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
