What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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