I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Randomize
