Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
