if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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