I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
