No stitches, just platelets and will power
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
