Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
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