oh god the rape fog is back!
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
