I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
