Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
