I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize