Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Well I just put wine in my tea
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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