How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
