Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
