office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
