Are we in a gay sports bar?
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize