Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
