The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
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