If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
