smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
