Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize