are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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