Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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