The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
My ATM looks so different sober.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
