I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
