im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
