Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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