apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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