based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
