Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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