you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
