fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Welp...herpes.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
