I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize
