Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
