I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
