New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
