I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
