ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
