Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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