I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
