He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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