Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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