my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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