Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
