11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
