I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize