are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Randomize
