I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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