She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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