i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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