he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
