one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
accomplished twins. life is a go
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
