I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
