and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
And then the night went full on bisexual.
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