I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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