I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
