I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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