Operation Purity has been aborted
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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