i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
