Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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