i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
