I molested 6 butterflies tonight
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
