Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
