no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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