I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
