Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Randomize
