I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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