Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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