She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I cut my penus on the lid.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
