a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Just invented taco cereal.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
