You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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