easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
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