Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
