I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
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