What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
