is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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