Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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