It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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