So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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