when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
