yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Pants are for mortals
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
