If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
